The Trap “I’ll remember,” you tell yourself. “I’ll remember,” clients tell me when I ask them how they will remember to tackle a task they want to accomplish before our next session. “I’ll remember,” I tell myself on the rare occasions when I forget to distrust this wily statement. It’s a trap. How many times have we all told ourselves that we would remember to do something, only to chastise ourselves a few days later when we forgot to do that thing we thought we would remember? These tasks might be small annoyances but collectively add up to a cluttered home of unfinished tasks and projects. I admire clients’ positivity, enthusiasm, and confidence when they make this statement. I also wonder if they will remember amidst all the unexpected situations that inevitably pop up between sessions, not to mention other thoughts that will push that task out of commission. It is not a judgment on their abilities; The issue is that we (me included) think we will remember more than we do. Clients sometimes start an appointment with self-flagellation because they forgot to do the task they meant to accomplish between sessions. I empathetically explain that, as far as I can tell, there is nothing wrong with their memory. It is simply a case of having more to remember than our memories can handle. We then explore options to capture the task and set them up to successfully remember to do the task at the right time. Working Memory Our working memories temporarily hold information to work it. We only have four slots available at any given time. (I have more recently read of six slots. Either way, our working memories do not have an infinite capacity to hold onto competing bits of information simultaneously.) According to Dr. Russel Barkley and other experts, that number also decreases as we age. These limited slots translate to a limited capacity to remember various bits of information throughout the day. New information will squeeze out older information. As we walk to another room to retrieve something, any number of possessions in view can trigger competing thoughts so that by the time we reach the room, we have forgotten what we meant to retrieve. External Memories How can we avoid this aggravating trap? We need to transfer the task to an analog or digital external memory. Grabbing the nearest piece of paper to quickly jot down a thought is a typical example of an analog solution. We can all do our future selves huge favors by writing thoughts in a consistent place, like one brightly colored planner. This planner bypasses the all-too-common problem of losing tasks written on tiny slips of paper. Digital external memories can be rudimentary or quite robust. You can quickly ask Siri or Alexa to remind you to do something at a particular time. Alternatively, you can take a few extra seconds to open a robust task app to prioritize and schedule it against competing tasks or delegate it to family members and colleagues who use the same app. The Quicker, The Better Sometimes, the task disappears before we can open our planners and apps. Normal aging, increased stress, depression, and ADHD are a few reasons why this may occur. Whatever the cause, you can try an unusual tactic to keep that task in mind until you can record it: repeat it out loud until you have opened your planner or app to the correct section. This strategy sounds silly, but it works, especially if your phone, laptop, or planner has temporarily gone missing. Another tactic is to use a temporary stop-gap. For example, irrelevant but important tasks or ideas pop up while I work at my desk. Taking the time to transfer the ideas to a planner or app can sometimes lead to more distractions. So, I keep a small, thin dry-erase board within reach to quickly record the thought and return to work. When I need a break, I transfer the ideas and tasks to my app and clean the board. This tactic removes competing thoughts so I can stay focused. The small board size is critical; I can only write down so much information before it is full, and I need to stop, transfer it to my app, and erase it for the next batch of ideas that arise. It’s All About Context When transferring tasks and ideas, document more information than you anticipate needing. Include the current date (including the year), where you left off, the next step, and any other pertinent details. This strategy is a lesson born out of frustration. Years ago, I ran across an important note that could have been helpful, but I had neglected to write the full date and sufficient context. I organize papers and files with most clients. We frequently find cryptic notes. When this happens, they must waste time retracing or repeating steps. For this reason, I recommend transferring more context than they think they will need. One well-written note can save hours on complex projects. Hoping Vs. Committing Transferring tasks out of our heads (and, better yet, scheduling them) serves a secondary yet equally important role. It solidifies the task and represents a commitment to doing it. It can be helpful to tell loved ones, “If you don’t see me capturing it in my planner or app, I have not committed to doing it, as much as I think I have.” This concept especially rings true for those with ADHD who might enthusiastically agree to help with a task but inadvertently forget because they did not capture it outside the working memory. David Allen Says It Best David Allen, author of Getting Things Done, does a fabulous job explaining this habit’s critical nature. When he mentions “RAM" (random access memory in a computer) he is referring to your working memory. On page 23 of my earlier 2001 edition, he writes: “The big problem is that your mind keeps reminding you of things when you can’t do anything about them. It has no sense of past or future. That means that as soon as you tell yourself that you need to do something and store it in your RAM, there’s a part of you that thinks you should be doing that something all the time. Everything you’ve told yourself you ought to do, it thinks you should be doing right now. Frankly, as soon as you have two things to do stored in your RAM, you’ve generated personal failure, because you can’t do them both at the same time. This produces an all-pervasive stress factor whose source can’t be pinpointed.” The best action is to get the task out of our heads, onto paper, or into apps. Your future self will love you for it!
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