Why Letting Go of Books is Hard, and How To Do it Anyway

Of all the categories of possessions that fill our homes, why is it that books seem to be one of the most challenging ones to prune? Clients often voice a typical conundrum. They know they have too many books for their spaces, and they want to purge the excess to make room for other hobbies in the home. Nevertheless, when they get started, all the “excess” suddenly feels crucial to keep.

Meanwhile, bookshelves bow under the weight of jam-packed shelves. Books read years ago remain neatly arranged in categories. As new hobbies emerged, as our lives got more complicated, aspirational books were haphazardly stacked on top of those original rows. Sometimes books are double-stacked. Those books in the back are hopelessly forlorn, never to be read, reread, or dusted again, until it comes time to pack for a move. By the time I arrive, many shelves have broken under the years of continued stress from carrying the weight of all that potential knowledge.

Books then spill out from the shelves, often on top of books already stacked on the floor in front of overstuffed cases. They present tripping hazards that become increasingly dangerous as we age and cannot recover from falls as quickly.

Why do books create so much emotional attachment? They do not just tell us stories or provide information about the world around us. They get into our psyche. Here is just a smattering of reasons why we grow so attached to the books around us and why they can be hard to let go of:

• Donating books before reading them feels like a waste of money.

 

• Purging books before reading them also feels like a failure.

 

• So many clients have a wonderful sense of curiosity for the world around them. This translates into deep dives into various topics. Those deep dives translate into multiple books dealing with a single topic. The excitement naturally waned at some point, yet the books never left the home when a new topic sparked interest. It may feel hard to let go of books related to past interests, even though those interests are long gone.

 

• Books used to be so much fun to read. They still can be, but so many of us have gotten out of the habit of reading books. Instead, we reach for digital devices and seek out short-form articles to read in short bursts throughout the day. Yet we tell ourselves that we will definitely kick the digital habit soon, at least enough to get back into the habit of reading analog books. Thus, the books stick around until that time comes.

 

• Books speak to who we were in the past. They can speak to past careers that we loved (or didn’t). They feel like a connection to old jobs that brought us pride.

 

• Books may remind us of all the hard work we put into earning an advanced degree. Tossing the books may feel like tossing all the money you spent to get that degree.

 

• Books can speak to our aspirations of who we hope to be, or who we wish we were. It is hard to let go of books that would support these aspirations, even if the memory of the aspirations is bittersweet because we never pursued those goals.

 

• Being surrounded by books may make us feel smart, even if many of them remain unread.

 

• Books may remind us of a different, simpler time in our lives when we had time to read, when we enjoyed reading, and when there was joy in reading. That connection feels strong.

So, what are we to do when faced with the daunting challenge of purging excess books that we know have to leave the home? Here are some great strategies and reframing for each of the conundrums listed above:

• Donating books before reading them feels like a waste of money.
  • The money is already wasted, since the book has sat unread for years. You will not get the money back, regardless of whether you read the book; it's gone.
  • If your books are collectively usurping critical space in your home or literally weighing down support beams, walls, and ceilings, they are continuing to cost you money. They can eventually lead to costly structural repairs. Even if you do not have quite that many books, they continue to cost you money in terms of the collective square footage they take up in your home, whether the square footage you pay for is in the form of a mortgage, property taxes, or rent.

 

• Purging books before reading them also feels like a failure.
  • Take a tip from Marie Kondo; perhaps the book came into your life expressly to let you know that it does not need to be read. It can go on its merry way.
  • Ask yourself why you keep reminders of perceived failure around that make you wince each time you see them. This creates unnecessary pain throughout your day.
  • Our interests, hobbies, passions, and responsibilities change over our lifetime. It is not only ok to part with unread books, but perhaps even necessary. Maybe it was never realistic to think we had time to read them in the first place. Perhaps the book really wasn’t that good. Let go of perfectionism and make peace with the fact that you will not read all your books, and that is ok. Heck, some of the books may have sat there on the shelf undeservedly for years, and were you to pick them up now and read them, you would find them to be boring, at best.
  • Dip your toe in the water by getting a book from the library and making a point of returning it before fully reading it. This will help move out of the perfectionism of having to read books before letting go.

 

• Multiple books around deep dives into a myriad of topics
  • Again, it is okay for our hobbies and interests to change. Letting go of books about hobbies or passions you no longer relate to will make space for your current ones, ultimately bringing you more joy on a day-to-day basis.
  • The 1-in-1 rule applies to books, too. New books relating to new interests need to replace the homes of older books that are no longer serving us.

 

• Keeping books around, even though we no longer read analog or long-format books
  • Be realistic about how you like to spend your free time. If you have not picked up a book in years, it is ok.
  • Conversely, if you truly want to get back into analog book reading, commit yourself to reducing the amount of time you spend reading online and make a point of picking up an interesting book at home and getting back into the old habit of reading long stories, a few minutes at a time.
  • Be realistic about how you read. If you now enjoy reading books on digital devices, how helpful is it to keep the excess stacks of analog books when you are desperate for more space in the home?

 

• Books that connect us to who we were
  • You are still that person without the books. Retired teachers are still retired teachers, even if they have donated their children’s books that they used to read to students.
  • Collections can be broken. You can keep some of your favorite books that remind you of that time in your life and purge the rest that never really resonated in the first place.

 

• Books reminding us of how hard we worked in school.
  • I can count on a few fingers how many times clients have told me they reread parts of old textbooks long after graduating, even though I’ve been in business for over 10 years. These tomes weigh down bookshelves and baseboards and collect large amounts of dust. Ask yourself if you will truly read the books again. For many of us, we never even read entire books cover to cover, even when we were in class, because the professor only assigned sections to read. What makes us think we’ll read it now when we do not have the external accountability of a professor waiting to grade our efforts?
  • Knowledge now seems to change at warp speed. Information is becoming obsolete more quickly than it did decades ago. If you were to spend time reading some of these books now, depending on their subject matter, you would actually be teaching yourself long-debunked information.
  • Even if the textbooks go away, you are still the same person who did all that hard work in school. Purging books does not mean you purge your knowledge or your degree(s).

 

• Aspirational books
  • This category can be one of the most emotionally challenging. The unread books speak to who we hope to be, or who we hoped to be at one point. Giving up these books may feel like giving up on the dream of becoming the person who uses the knowledge in those books, and giving up on those dreams feels uncomfortable.
  • Remind yourself that, unless the book is rare, you can get it again later should you revisit that dream. It is also ok to let dreams change. We have to let go of old dreams to make space, time, and energy for dreams that currently captivate our hearts and minds.

 

• Books that make us feel erudite:
  • Unfortunately, I don't remember which author to credit for this strategy, but it’s a great one: unread books are just words on a page. They do not speak to who we are, because they remain unread. They have about as much meaning to us as unread books that sit on shelves at a bookstore. Buying the book does not hold the same value as reading the information in it. Try thinking about unread books as simply unread words on a page. That may just give you enough emotional distance to let go.

 

• Books may remind us of a different, simpler time in our lives when we had time to read, when we enjoyed reading, and when there was joy in reading. That connection feels strong.
  • Keep the favorites that bring us a jolt of happy memories when we think back to reading them.
  • Be realistic about how much time you have to read the unread books in your home. How much time are you realistically willing to devote to reading vs. all the other hobbies you currently enjoy? Purge accordingly.

​I am not advocating a purge of all your books, unless that is what you want to do. Nevertheless, excess books pose such a common challenge for my clients that it is worth taking time to analyze your thoughts about your books. You may be surprised to find that you can let go of more excess than you initially anticipated. This will clear space in your home for current hobbies and passions. Ironically, you may end up reading more of your books if there are fewer of them because they are arranged in a pleasing way and no longer bring on overwhelming feelings or thoughts of having to dust before having the pleasure of curling up with a good book.

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