When Inaction Becomes Scarier than Action: Part 1

What is fear-based inaction truly costing you in your life? Daily, it may not feel like much. Project that daily inaction into years and decades, though, and the cost becomes monumental.

Although facing our fears may not be complicated, it does not mean that simple equates with easy. What if there were a way to make it easier? What if we had a tool to help with the heavy emotional lifting of facing our fears?

You are in luck because many years ago, I read The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss. One exercise in particular resonated with me so much that I still think of it to this day. I even use it to help clients shift perspective and gain momentum.

We all have fears that keep us from taking action on projects that we know will benefit us in the long term. Change can feel scary since our brains are hardwired to keep us safe. The challenge with this fear, though, is that it is completely myopic. Fear is so focused on the possible negative outcomes of an action that we miss the rest of the picture. We miss the compounded negative effects of inaction. When we expand beyond that fear-based hyperfocus, the results of inaction can be much scarier than the act of moving towards our goals.

Tim Ferris’ “Fear-Setting” exercise is a tool that can help us face our fears. It works so well because it highlights the massive negative ramifications that may result from failing to act in our own best interest.

Since this exercise seems deceptively simple, I have broken this article into multiple parts so that we can do a deep dive into each section. The second (and the most powerful) part will be available in my next newsletter.

 Four Parts of the “Fear-Setting”: 
There are three simple yet powerful questions in his exercise, along with one directive:

1. What do I fear about doing x, y, z?
2. What might be a positive outcome of trying to succeed at x, y, z?
3. What is the cost of not doing x, y, z?
4. Weigh the options

I will explain these steps through the lens of decluttering, and simultaneously use common sentiments that clients have expressed over the years:

1. What if I declutter my whole home? What am I so afraid might happen?

Tim instructs us to lay out the worst thing that could happen if we take action towards the goal we think we want. This is where our imagination runs wild, so we may as well get the ruminating thoughts out of our heads and onto paper. Write down twenty of these worst-case scenarios.

The next step is to ask ourselves how we could avoid or reduce the likelihood of those worst-case scenarios.

The last step of this section is to focus on “repair.” If that worst-case scenario were to play out, how would you repair the situation, or get help repairing it? Most likely, someone else has been through a similar situation, so fixing the situation is not impossible.

For the sake of dear readers’ eyes, I will only list five worst-case scenarios:

First Worst Case Scenario: 
What is the worst that can happen if I declutter my whole home?
I will fail and feel even worse about myself than I already do.

How could I avoid or reduce the odds of this worst thing happening?
I will avoid doing everything all at once.

I will remind myself that if something doesn’t work as intended, it doesn’t mean I failed. It just means I have to try a different approach.

I will create a plan of ridiculously easy steps that are almost as easy to do as to not do.

I will give myself a real pat on the back with each action in the right direction.
 
If this worst-case scenario comes to fruition, how could I repair it or ask for help in repairing it?
I will remind myself that working towards my goals is not a failure, no matter the result. I will focus on the great efforts I made.

I will analyze, without self judgment, where recurring roadblocks appear and brainstorm how to move around them.

I will enlist support of a friend, a professional organizer, or coach if I get stuck. I know there’s no shame in asking for help and it may help speed up the entire process.

Second Worst Case Scenario:
What is the worst that can happen if I declutter my whole home?
 I will succeed and then I’ll feel even more pressure to keep up with the new status quo

How could I avoid or reduce the odds of this worst thing happening?
I imagine it will actually take less time to keep things tidy than the time it takes to deal with the current state of affairs.

I think I will truly enjoy the calm, peace, and joy that the relaxing space will impart. I think I’ll want to keep it that way because it feels so good.

I will remind myself that aiming for perfect maintenance is the only way I can fail. I will maintain my new systems and calm space in a realistic and doable way.

If this worst-case scenario comes to fruition, how could I repair it or ask for help in repairing it?
Hmm, if I start feeling pressure in maintaining my success, I will do my 4-7-8 breathing exercise to calm down and then notice why I’m putting pressure on myself. I will challenge whether that pressure is necessary.
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I will ask my friends and family to help me shift my perspective from perfection to “good enough is good enough.” They’ll be happy to help because they’re always saying I’m too hard on myself anyway.

Third Worst Case Scenario:
What is the worst that can happen if I declutter my whole home?
I will waste all my time decluttering and never have any time for fun activities.

How could I avoid or reduce the odds of this worst thing happening?
Realistically, I don’t allow myself to do my hobbies now anyway, because I feel that I have to declutter first. So it wouldn’t feel any different. Even so:

I will put strict time limits on decluttering sessions.

I will set multiple types of alarms so that my hyperfocus doesn’t turn into marathon sessions that result in burnout.

I will schedule my fun activities first and plan the decluttering sessions around them.

If this worst-case scenario comes to fruition, how could I repair it or ask for help in repairing it?
Ok, so let’s say I went on a decluttering bender and came out of it a month later and had not done anything remotely fun, even reading a book. I will immediately stop, write down five fun, uncomplicated things I could do and do one right away.

I will call someone and schedule time to get together in the next few days.

I will look at my calendar and schedule at least one fun activity for each of the next four weeks.

Fourth Worst Case Scenario:
What is the worst that can happen if I declutter my whole home?
Once my place is decluttered, I’ll actually have to have friends and family over.

How could I avoid or reduce the odds of this worst thing happening?
I will remind myself that decluttering is first and foremost for my own pleasure. If I decide that I don’t want to host Thanksgiving or book club this year, that is ok! Doing this work solely for me is good enough.
 
I will write the pros and cons of having friends and family over. Then I will decide which situations sound fun and which don’t. I’ll make decisions accordingly.
 
If this worst-case scenario comes to fruition, how could I repair it or ask for help in repairing it?
Uggh, in my excitement to show off my decluttering efforts, I impulsively offered to host the next book club meeting. Now I’m feeling pressure because I haven’t hosted company in so many years. Ok, here are some  things I can do:

Remind myself that my book club friends are non-judgmental. In fact, many have talked about their own clutter issues, especially around books.

Ask my closest friend in the book club to help me break down preparation into easy, non-scary steps. She’ll probably offer to help me with last minute prep on meeting day as well, since I helped her do the same when she hosted the meeting a few months ago.

I will explain my situation to the book club host and see if we can meet at a coffeeshop instead.

Fifth Worst Case Scenario:
What is the worst that can happen if I declutter my whole home?
Once the clutter is gone, I’ll no longer have my coping mechanism that currently helps me avoid uncomfortable thoughts, even though the clutter is causing its own pain.

How could I avoid or reduce the odds of this worst thing happening?
I’ve been working with Clutterers Anonymous and I was in the Buried in Treasures group. I have so many tools that I’ll start using today so I can manage emotions as they come up in the future. By the time my place is decluttered, it won’t feel scary to face my emotions.

I’ll remind myself that I’ve done hard things before, and decluttering is no different.

I’ll continue to seek support of friends, loved ones, CLA, and BIT so I don’t feel alone.

If this worst-case scenario comes to fruition, how could I repair it or ask for help in repairing it?
Ack, I’m no longer spending so much time decluttering so I have more time for rumination. I think I’ll try these tactics:

Schedule fun activities that will get me out of my own head and into fun engagement with others.
I will continue doing my breathing exercises, journaling, and other activities that have always helped me cope before.

I will bring this up at my next therapy session so we can work through these thoughts and I can get into a more comfortable headspace.

Scenario Forecasting:
Ok, that is plenty for now. I do not doubt that some readers have thought of even more imaginative worst-case scenarios. Remember to apply the same creative skill that you used in the first column to the second and third columns above.

Speaking of which, the second and third columns are essentially an exercise in scenario forecasting. By preparing ourselves for the obstacles we anticipate during our project, we are helping our future selves navigate past them and keep working towards the goal. Scenario forecasting is a great way to support success, especially when applied to projects where executive functioning challenges can arise.

Now on to question #2:

     2. What might be a positive outcome of trying to succeed at decluttering my whole home?
Tim Ferris instructs us to spend at least fifteen minutes answering this question. The answers should be a conservative appraisal of the benefits. Sadly, my own book notes do not specify why we should be conservative, but my educated guess is that we want the benefits to be attainable so that we actually believe them. I would add that you would benefit from not only writing for fifteen minutes but also making sure that you list at least 20 positive outcomes here as well.

Here are some of the benefits that could come out of decluttering the whole home:

Wow, if my place is finally decluttered, I will feel like I can relax when I come home. I won’t constantly feel like the only way to relax is to close my eyes to avoid seeing projects and tasks staring back at me. I’ll be able to come home, kick my shoes off, and maybe even finish that book club book on time, which sounds so relaxing.

I’ll be able to have the plumber over to fix the leaky bathroom faucet before it gets so bad that I have replace molded baseboards. I don’t even want to think about how much that would cost.
I can barely imagine only needing twenty minutes to tidy up so my sister or friend can pop over to catch up. That would feel amazing.

I would stop fighting with my partner about the stuff, which would be such a relief. We could have more time and energy for fun date nights like we used to have before the clutter took over.
I would finally have space to work on that painting I’ve been meaning to start; I’ve been itching to pull out my acrylics again.

I would have the headspace to focus on that project that my coworker is convinced will lead to my promotion at work.

I’ll have an excuse to bake decadent desserts again because I can serve them when I have my friends over.  

I’ll feel so much more confident that I’ll feel ready to tackle those other life-altering goals that I know will bring me such joy.

I’ll feel calm and relaxed.

Conclusion: 

Answering question#2 feels much better than answering question #1! What is coming up for you as you follow along with your own example? Are some perspectives starting to shift? Stay tuned for my next newsletter, where I explain the most powerful part of this entire exercise!

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