Using Fear to your Advantage: Part 2

In my last article on using fear as a tool, I introduced Tim Ferriss’ powerful “Fear-Setting” exercise.
Here are the basics:

Four Parts of the “Fear-Setting”:
There are three basic questions and one directive in his exercise:

1. What do I fear about doing x, y, z?
2. What might be a positive outcome of trying to succeed at x, y, z?
3. What is the cost of not doing x, y, z?
4. Weigh the options

Today, building on the last article, I will delve into what I consider the most powerful part of this exercise—step 3—and then follow with Tim’s final directive, step 4.

To recap, in the previous article, I used the example of the fear one can feel when thinking about decluttering their entire home. Applying Ferriss’ exercise to this, question #3 becomes:

What is the cost of not decluttering my home?

Ferriss instructs us to project the six-month, one-year, and three-year costs of not taking the action that elicits fear. He emphasizes being very detailed, even when it feels scary. Although this part of the exercise can be uncomfortable, I think this is where the greatest value emerges. To illustrate, let us dive in with the example of decluttering a whole home and consider how someone faced with that project might answer.

6-Month Cost of Not Decluttering My Home:

I’m going to continue feeling stuck and bad about myself and my lack of effort. I’m going to keep putting myself down every day for my procrastination, and that will wear away at my feelings of self-worth.

I’m not going to let myself do fun activities because I know myself, and I won’t feel like I “earned it.” Denying myself any enjoyment for the next six months is oppressive, and the frustration grows heavier with each day. I feel a simmering resentment at being trapped in this self-imposed punishment.

I’m going to feel guilty because my book club had to disband, since everyone else was tired of hosting, and the cafes were too loud for discussion. I’m really going to miss getting together with them.

I’m going to lose at least 100 hours over the next six months desperately searching for things I’ve misplaced. The irritation and mental exhaustion I feel as I hunt for them will almost certainly drive me to waste a few hundred dollars replacing items I know are hiding somewhere in my own home.

1-Year Cost of Not Decluttering My Home:

I know that the $1,000 plumbing repair quote from last year has now ballooned. With the continued leaking now spilling out in front of the cabinets, I know it will cost at least $5,000 to replace that wood if I wait a year to declutter in preparation for scheduling the plumber.

With all the time spent maintaining and sorting my clutter to avoid purging the excess items I know I have, I will not have enough time to work on the special project I told my boss I would do. This is incredibly painful because I know the project would lead to my promotion and a significant increase in my annual income. I could really use that money!

My wife’s frustration with the clutter has reached a breaking point. Now, every argument feels heavier, and the threat of her leaving hangs over everything. The fear of losing her is overwhelming—I love her deeply, and imagining my life without her fills me with dread.

3-Year Cost of Not Decluttering My Home:

My book club disbanded, and that was one of my last real group of friends. People disappeared after that. I’m spending way more time alone in my messy place than is healthy for me. I’m feeling so depressed now; it’s never been this bad!

I’m on probation at work because I’ve been coming in late, and I’m not on my A-game anymore. Leaving my home cluttered has left me exhausted because of all the effort it takes to manage the stuff. It’s affecting my sleep, which is now bleeding into my work performance. I can’t afford to lose this job.
The deferred maintenance has now ballooned to a $20,000 remediation bill. I can’t believe I let it get this bad. I cannot afford to fix this, but I cannot afford not to because I plan on aging in place here. I cannot stomach the thought of a reverse mortgage, especially because I could have avoided this bill three years ago.

The neighbors have complained to the city about my house because I let the clutter creep into my front and back yard, and they mentioned rodents coming into their home from my property. I’m terrified to let officials see the inside of my house. What if they decide that the house is unlivable and I am forced to move out until all the clutter is done and repairs are completed? I know the clutter has gotten even worse inside than outside, and that they have the power to remove me from my home if they deem it unsafe. I can’t afford to lose my home; where will I go?

Maybe the neighbors won’t complain, but I know for a fact that my wife and I have started divorce proceedings at this point, because she was at her limit years ago. We have to sell the house to split the proceeds, and my share won't be enough to move to another home in the state. I have no idea where I’ll live. I’ve lived here my whole life. I can’t imagine having to move someplace completely foreign.

(Yikes! If you’ve made it this far, congratulations. I know these scenarios are not fun to read. It can be pretty eye-opening to focus on the result of inaction. Unfortunately, the high 3-year cost of inaction is no mere figment of my imagination. Many clients have come to me in those exact situations.)

4. Weigh the options of decluttering my whole house vs procrastinating and not starting to declutter

Finally, weigh your options. With these insights, does action or inaction seem best? After completing the uncomfortable but important third step of the exercise, the individual realizes:

It is truly terrifying to look at the detailed scenarios that will happen if I don’t declutter. I never really allowed myself to think about them, but now that I’ve put them in writing, I am feeling braver about facing the clutter and getting started. Suddenly, decluttering feels way less scary than sitting in the inertia of not decluttering. Yes, the inertia is in my comfort zone, but eventually that comfort zone will be completely gone, and my life will be in shambles. I can’t avoid decluttering any longer; there’s too much at stake.

If I hit snags on the way, I’ve drummed up several creative ways to avoid the most fear-inducing activities. I now see that I’ll be able to confront them head-on, trusting myself to overcome them. I didn’t realize I was so resourceful!

Looking at my examples, it seems that decluttering the home will lead to some enjoyable results:

• My ability to relax in my own space is finally here.
• My ability to feel calm in my life has come to fruition.
• I can stop deferring house maintenance now, and we’re looking forward to everything we can do with the funds we've saved.
• My friend down the street now comes over once a week to catch up, and it’s so much fun because we crack each other up.
• My partner is thrilled with my efforts, and maintaining progress is so much easier than I expected. We’ve even had a few surprisingly fun date nights since the clutter stressor is gone. It’s so much more relaxed at home now.
• I finished my first painting, and my friend even connected me with her friend, who owns a café and wants to display my art once I have a few more done!
• I got that promotion, and so we finally went on our dream vacation!
• My book club is alive and well. It’s been fun to get back into baking and serve some fun desserts at the meetings, too. I even inspired a few members to declutter their homes too; they’re feeling so good about their progress, and it feels amazing to have inspired them!
• I feel calmer and joyful now when I’m home. I’m even starting to tackle a big goal I set for myself years ago to write a book, but had on the back burner because of the decluttering.

Ok, having put all this on paper, it now seems so much less scary to declutter, and some of the positive results of the action are really exciting!

Conclusion
So how about it? What “fear setting” exercise will you do today? Decluttering? Working on long-delayed projects that will result in some awesome feel-good emotions?  Start catching up on years of backlogged taxes? This is an incredibly powerful exercise to help you get into action; try it now! You may be surprised by how many new benefits you can experience. With those benefits and new insights in hand, you will most likely get into action much more easily.
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Need a little more explanation on exactly how Tim Ferriss’ exercise works and how it changed his life? Click here for his presentation. Then immediately jump into your own “fear setting” exercise and see how transformative it can be!